Spiteful The Whale Tickler Mango IPA

Brewed By: Spiteful Brewing in Chicago, IL  

Purchased: 22oz bomber bought at West Lakeview Liquors in Chicago, IL; 2015 (Batch #246)

Style/ABV: American Imperial IPA/Fruit Beer, 9.2%
Reported IBUs: ?

About Spiteful: 

Spiteful Brewing was founded in January 2010 by Brad Shaffer and Jason Klein. Like many brewers, the duo started out homebrewing. As of today, the brewery houses a 2.5 BBL Brewhouse and 5 BBL Fermenters. Currently, as a nanobrewery, Spiteful Brewing is hand delivering to stores and bars. For more info, check out Spiteful's website, or their Facebook or Twitter. 

Whale Ticklers 

Tick tick tick.

"Late hours spent on the trade forums.

ISO: whalez.

FT: whalez.

The thrill of the hunt. At last, it's mine! Tickle now or tickle later? Maybe never, Whale ticklers, drink this on your hunt. Its tropical notes will brighten the most arduous whaling expedition. It's open season out there. Are you licensed to tickle?"

This is raw and cloudy in appearance, like real apple cider or any assorted juices. Head retention is surprisingly solid with lacing and foam, and there is carb abound. Look at this raw, murky ass execution. Beer uncut from a brewery that doesn't GAF except to make good beer.

Aromas are juicy with mango, pineapple, sweet citrus, sweet grass, agave, kumquat, and a basket of tropical fruit. This has some plantains as well, and rides some sweet and super juicy hop notes. This smells juicy, so if it tastes half as juicy as it smells mission accomplished.

This is raw and uncut, with juicy hops around every corner and tons of mango, citrus, some onion/garlic, juicy citrus, and juicy tropical fruit. The bitterness in this grows on the back end, and is heightened as your drink it. I'm not getting a ton of malts, maybe a faint caramel or cracker backing. 

At 9.2% I'm not getting any alcohol. This is juicy, medium-bodied, and juicy. Palate depth is good, and complexity is good. This has a slight astringent bitterness that grows over time, and works a bit against the lush, juicy notes. This is mostly a tropical juice blaster...with tons of mango, some onion/garlic/grass, and lots of nice bitterness. Would tickle again.

Rating: Above-Average (3.5/5.0 Untappd)

I'll toss this a Decent Above-Average. If not for the slightly astringent bitterness, this would be up there. It's a really solid beer, and I love the raw, uncut approach.

Random Thought: #whalez

[EPIC THROW DOWN] #Midwest vs. Fucking Vermont

Rawwwrrr

IN CORNER #1 we have....Heyoka!:

Brewed By: Half Acre Beer Company in Chicago, Illinois

Purchased: 16oz/1 Pint CAN bought at Half Acre in Chicago, IL; 2014

Style/ABV: India Pale Ale, 7.0%
Reported IBUs: There's a cat hugging a dinosaur. It doesn't get any more bitter than that.

IN CORNER #2 we have....Vermont Whalez:

Brewed By: The Alchemist in Waterbury, Vermont  

Purchased: 16oz CAN generously beer-mailed/gifted to me; 2014 

Style/ABV: Imperial IPA, 8.0%
Reported IBUs: 120+????

When life gives you lemons, you have a lemon party. Tonight we are doing a throw down between these two completely overrated beers. Seriously, these beers suck, don't buy them. 

Appearance: 

Heady Tophers

Heady Topher is hazy like grandpa's memory with champagne bubbles, and orange juice comparisons are incoming. It figures that Vermont would basically ferment orange juice and call it beer. Heyoka! has less head, is a bit more refined, and goes to church on Sunday. It's basically the #Midwest. Winner: No one. Does anyone except neckbeard BJCP warriors give a shit about the appearance? NEXT.

Aromas: 

Toppling Tophers greets the olfactory with dank ass pine, resin, weed...this is basically That 70's Show. This veers into some weird agave and guava territory, and then lays out orange juice for days. You might get iced tea at colder temps but only noobs drink freezer beer. Hey Yoko smells super bright, like 5th graders in accelerated math. This is a zesty citrus show with some grass and citrus spice. There's also cracker malts to mix things up, I mean why not. And some grapefruit rind to remind everyone that the Midwest vicariously lives through Florida and California's fruit supply. Winner: me. I bench pressed like 215 this week.

Gag Reflex Potential:

Chiraq doesn't mess around, Hanukkah! is refreshing like lemonade, with razor sharp hops that assert dank lemon and orange zest on you like getting femdomed by citrus. It suggests grassy, tropical fruit notes, with water chestnuts (wut) and grapefruit rind. Minimal cracker character shows up like a snorkel to save you from the hypnotic citrus-thigh assault. Handy Tophers is expansive and full-body, truly a BBW in the world of 8% IIPAs. This literal whale is dank like weed, with tons of orange juice. You get some pine, guava, and agave, but this mostly drops that fresh OJ with no malt interference. Winner: OJ Simpson (relevant). 

Lemons. This was literally torture. 

Quaffabilly:

The Heady Doppler is clean and refreshing, but full-bodied. A rare trait that is mitigated just slightly by low complexity. Still, this isn't a moped. This is a dank, sticky weed affair. It rips a bong load of dank orange juice that will impress your stoner friends. Namely, Steve. The Midwest shelf turd, Hey-yo!, is on the opposite end of the spectrum. It's also clean and refreshing, but has a cracker malt backbone that reminds me of a Pilsner. Both beers are bangable, but Hey-yo! is slightly brighter and more zesty. Can you fault the Midwest for trying to channel that grapefruit rind and tropical fruit vibe? Winner: mopeds. 

Rating/Winner: Strong Divine Brew (5.0/5.0) for both these bangers. Both of these beers show up in clutch time, and deliver what they promise. Like a fresh corpse, you want to hit these when they are fresh. The Topher is a big-bodied, orange juice affair. The Halo, K?! is a zesty banger with citrus zest/rind, balanced sweetness, and cracker malts. Both of these beers come in a 4-pack. Both of these beers can be consumed out of the can, or in the can, or out of the can in the can, or in a glass, or wherever. Both of these beers excel in their respective category, and at this point Handy Topher is pretty much a classic staple of beer despite its status as a #whale. 

If you think this review is a cop out, it totally is. But between you and me, I'd probably take the Heyoka! to my deserted island because it seems to be slightly more refreshing. On the other hand, if you age that Vermont whale I hear it turns into a pretty awesome Barleywine. 

Random Thought:

The new Bongripper album is dope:

The Alchemist Heady Topper

Brewed By: The Alchemist in Waterbury, Vermont  

Purchased: 16oz CAN generously beer-mailed/gifted to me; 2014 

Style/ABV: Imperial IPA, 8.0%
Reported IBUs: 120+????

Honestly, I never thought I would be drinking Heady Topper in my immediate future. I don't really beer trade...I'm pretty happy with finding local IPAs (midwest shelf turds). And yeah. Tonight's beer was generously sent my way by a cool dude...so I guess I'm tributing these thoughts to him. I'm also going to do a Heyoka! vs. Heady Topper throwdown tomorrow (which makes no sense because one is an IPA and the other is an IIPA...but more on that tomorrow). About The Alchemist:

The Alchemist are a brewery based out of Waterbury, Vermont. The brewery is small, local, family owned, and famous for Heady Topper. The brewery has been cranking out Heady Topper since 2003, but up until 2011 the beer was a tap-only exclusive. In 2011, the Alchemist Cannery was built, and since then the brewery has been selling so much Heady Topper they hardly have time to brew anything else. The brewery is currently closed to the public, and the Alchemist Pub and Brewery was demolished in Tropical Storm Irene. For more info, Facebook it or whatever. 

Heady Topher

If you aren't familiar with Heady Topper I don't know what to say. Literally, I am not going to say anything else about it. Heady Topher. You know. This is a cloudy, unfiltered beer. It's well carbonated, and has a radiant orange juice body. It produces a wispy finger of cloudy, dense head...and it just kind of looks like the quintessential American hop bomb. It's pretty pale, and dresses well. At times during this review I noticed the beer had a smug smirk. Needless to say, I would definitely bang it, but casting it in Spider-Man 3 was a big misstep. Donna had nice boobs. DAE?

Obviously the aroma is hops, but where do they go? What do they do? How many fingers do they use? Honestly, this smells like super dank orange and pine. It dials up that West Coast sweetness, with hints of guava, tropical fruits, agave, and bongwater. It's in the realm of Maine or even Pipeworks. But that's just a comparison for me. I think a baseline West Coast double IPA is probably Green Flash's. You really need to start there. You should lift too. 

Yum...this is really tasty, and I see why this is immensely popular. This is really good shit. First off, this is a thick beer. At 8.0%, they managed to cram a lot of body into this. Second, this is really hoppy. Obviously. This dials up huge notes of pine, orange, guava, resin/hemp, and subtle notes that suggest tropical fruit, agave, and weed. There is enough sweetness in here to balance out the immense bitterness, so you end up getting a lot of welcomed resin notes. This is also pretty dank. The malt backbone is completely unobtrusive, as it should be. I think that is really what differentiates this beer from so many other Imperial IPAs. This beer doesn't have any malt notes or caramel sweetness...it's clean and hoppy, but it is still substantial through and through. 

Heady Toppler ftw or something

I dunno, there's not much to say. This is immensely drinkable at 8.0%. It is clean, full-bodied, carbonated, and it has good depth and duration. The one knock here might be complexity, but it's not an inherently complex style. Really, this is just a fantastic beer that lives up to its hype with huge orange, grapefruit, pine, guava, resin, and tropical fruit punching your mouth up front; the mids roll into orange juice, resin, weed, grassy notes, and more hops; the back end drops OJ, resinous dankness, and a dry clean finish.

Rating: Divine Brew (5.0/5.0 Untappd)

I'm feeling a Strong Divine Brew on this. This lives up to the hype. It really does. This is one of the better Imperial IPAs I have had. This is a huge beer that thrives within the confines of 8.0%. It's also super clean, with virtually no traces of malt. This is a hop-forward experience through and through, but it is also fairly balanced and drinkable. I would suggest pairing this with spicy foods, pizza, a burger, wings, or anything that benefits from tons of dank, juicy hops. This is an OJ explosion and I am happy to have tried it. 

Random Thought: I guess I can tick this whale off my list. Woohoo. Also, forget the whole "drink from the can" noise. This is going into a glass. 

Maine Lunch

Brewed By: Maine Beer Company in Freeport, Maine

Purchased: 1 pt .9 fl. oz (16.9oz) bottle bought at West Lakeview Liquors in Chicago, IL; 2014 (bottled on 07/29/2014) 

Style/ABV: American India Pale Ale, 7.0%

Reported IBUs: ?

Yo dawg, we heard you like whales, so we brewed a beer named after a whale that is a whale so you can whale whales while whaling whales. About the Maine Beer Company:

The Maine Beer Company is a brewery based out of Freeport, Maine, founded in 2012. The brewery focuses on American-style ales, with an emphasis on fresh beer intended to be consumed fresh. For more info, check out the brewery's website. 

If you haven't heard about Lunch already, well, fuck you. I'm just kidding! Ha. Ha. DAE Maine humor? DAE the East Coast? The bottle says: "Lunch is a special whale that has been spotted off the Maine coast since 1982. She has what looks like a bite taken out of her fin which adds to her unique character. We dedicate this beer to her determination and persistence." This one is brewed with Warrior, Amarillo, Centennial, and Simcoe hops; and uses a malt base of American 2-Row, CaraPils, Caramel 40L, Munich 10L, and Red Wheat. Let's glass and bang.

This epic whale crashes into the sea like my wife jumping into the swimming pool at Orlando Florida. It pours with spray tan orange tones, kicking up three fingers of just off-white head that is foamy and soapy and has mad hop action. This is hazy like kiddie pool water and has carbonation like Captain Nemo's submarine. From here on out the nautical references are gonna be nuts, yarrrr.

Maine Lunch

I've never smelled a whale until today, and I have to say I would happily smell one again. This smells like pirate grundle, oranges, tangerines, resinous peaches and strawberries, zesty citrus and white pepper, and big kisses of tropical fruits (think mango and pineapple). This whale has beached in paradise, or something. The aroma does meet all the desired criteria in a top notch IPA: pungent, juicy, and just resinous enough that you could use this to chase your bong water.

This is fantastic, with a clean and crisp body that just hints at some cracker and biscuit grain. The main note here is an arrow of straight up orange-citrus and tangerine, straight across your tongue. The trailing aftermath includes some white pepper spice, citrus zest, mild resin, and nice growing hop bitterness. This throws shades of white peaches, sweet strawberries, and resinous lemon/pineapple at you as well. I've never seen a whale juggle that many tropical fruits until I played charades mom. #rekt

Whales in space, this be some low-G whale with little in the way of substantial body. This is light, is what I'm saying. Keep in mind that this is an IPA, not a Double IPA, and things make a little more sense. This is still light to medium-light bodied. It reminds me of....Zombie Dust? It also reminds me of Half Acre's Heyoka!, but I think that beer is better (hold your gasps for a moment). This is really, really good. I mean that. This beer works the hops to their fullest, extracting bold citrus fruit notes that are clean and clear. The 7.0% is nonexistent, and this beer is refreshing and drinkable...which is such a tease, because finding this beer is hard! The palate depth is outstanding, but leans towards the lighter sides...this is like a crushable Pale Ale. Again, I'm reminded of Zombie Dust. This also has a fairly straightforward execution (and look at the ingredient list...it's not a straightforward beer at all). Up front: orange fruit, tangerine, white pepper, citrus zest; that cuts into some nice pineapple resin, tropical fruits, strawberry, white peach, more peppery kick, some hints of cracker/biscuit; the back end trails with clean hops, and finishes nice and dry. I see why this beer is so popular....it's like an IPA Lite. The Lite beer of IPAs. It has clean lines, and it offers all the hoppy punch of a West Coast IPA without the raw aggression of an Imperial IPA. Hmm...

Rating: Above-Average (4.5/5.0 Untappd)

I'm feeling a Strong Above-Average here. I'm giving this beer the exact same rating I gave Half Acre's Heyoka! Fucking checkmate, all you Midwest haters. That's not a slight against Maine or Lunch...actually I have loved everything I have had from Maine Brewing so far. These guys are legit. I think my favorite so far has been the Another One. That beer is just fantastic...I would honestly maybe take Another One over Lunch. And as an added bonus: you can find Another One. That beer sits on shelves because it isn't an epic whale. Anyway...Lunch. Good stuff. I would pair this beer with a nice sandwich, maybe a club sandwich. You could also pair this beer with a nice leafy burger, lightly spiced foods, potatoes and chicken, a nice fish dish, and perhaps even a pasta dish. The light citrus and peppery spice define this beer, and while it has clear cut citrus lines it isn't overly aggressive or bitter or malty. It's delicate but drinkable...finessed and refined. Good job, Maine Brewing. I'd buy this again.

Random Thought: I actually saw this beer on tap in Chicago this weekend...my only regret was not stopping at the bar to try it.