An Introduction to “Shitty Beer Tuesday”

De-Motivation

Five is average. I mean, it’s big enough that most people wouldn’t complain. And bigger isn’t always better, right? I am talking about beer here, by the way. 5% is the approximate amount of beer sales in America accounted for by craft breweries. What that means is that 95% of the beer sold in America comes from macro breweries.

You might be wondering exactly what a macro brewery is. It is what it sounds like: macro, meaning large scale; and micro meaning small, like that aforementioned thing I was hinting at earlier. So is size the only thing that matters in determining whether or not a brewery is macro or micro? The answer to that question is somewhat philosophical and could be debated in great length. If you want to get to the bottom of the micro-macro discussion, stick around: I promise I won’t waste more than five minutes of your time. If you could care less – than you probably just discovered Internet porn – and if you did, then that is an acceptable distraction from a boring blog about beer.

Beeronomics: Micro and Macro
 

Wikipedia defines a microbrewery or "craft brewer" as a brewery which produces a limited amount of beer, and is associated by consumers with innovation and uniqueness. Of course, innovation and uniqueness exist in the eye of the beholder, and thus the fine chaps at the American Brewers Association have defined some production limits to further establish what a microbrewery is: The American Brewers Association defines a craft brewery as "small, independent and traditional....annual production of 6 million barrels of beer or less." They also state that craft breweries do not rely on the sale of malt beverages, so a good test to find out whether a beer is craft or not is to see if any homeless people are drinking it (I kid, I kid...). Lastly, craft beer is brewed using traditional ingredients, like malted barley. Adjuncts (usually corn) are only used to enhance the beer flavor, and are not the main ingredient or the philosophy around which the beer is based.

This brings us to the top three beer companies in the world and the major contributors to American and global beer sales. The current top three corporations responsible for brewing and selling the most beer are: Anheuser-Busch InBev (A-B InBev), SABMiller, and Heineken International. A-B InBev owns a shitload of branded beer and beer outfits, including Budweiser, Michelob, Goose Island and Stella Artois. SABMiller is not far behind, owning Miller, Coors, and surprisingly, Leinenkugel. That's right, Leinenkugel is Miller's bitch. Lastly is Heineken, which obviously owns Heineken as well as Amstel and Fosters.These three beer companies rule the world of beer with an iron fist, often using typical (ie. shady) business practices to keep craft beer companies in check. There is a good chance that if you know someone who drinks beer, they regularly drink a beer made by one of these three massive corporations.

 

Earlier I stated that the debate is highly philosophical. I want to expand on that quickly. Samuel Adams, owned by the Boston Brewing Company, is the largest American-owned beer company in the United States. They crank out around 1.2 million barrels of beer annually. That is not the arbitrary 6 million barrels needed to designate them a macro brewery, but it still is a lot. So let’s say hypothetically that the Boston Brewing Company did turn out 6 million barrels of beer this year: would they cease to be a craft beer company? The answer in my mind is: no. Not if they continue to make the beer that they do. Craft beer is more than just an arbitrary number of barrels sold: it is an attitude, it is about the means to the end and how you get there, and it is about the way the beer is made and the tradition behind it. All of this is largely absent from many of the macro brewed beers.

But the debate gets even more complicated. Earlier I mentioned that Goose Island, Stella Artois, and Leinenkugel are owned by the big three corporations responsible for turning out macro beer. Goose Island was just recently bought out by A-B InBev, so they are a topical example. Is the beer brewed at Goose Island macro now? The answer is no, of course not. At the moment, the Goose Island Brewery continues to function as a separate entity, one that happens to be owned by A-B InBev. The beer being turned out by Goose Island is still craft, and will hopefully remain craft brewed. Because of this fact, it is difficult to homogenize all the outlets and differently branded beers that the three companies listed above own as macro. Yes, A-B InBev is a macro outfit outright. But, the situation is complex because A-B InBev owns several outfits that operate independently and brew craft beer. This is an important fact to keep in mind.   

I love beer. I drink mostly craft beer, but every once in a while I do drink a macro brewed beer. Instead of just throwing macro beer reviews into the mix with all the craft beer I review, I want to call attention to the macro brewed beer. I want to put macro beer under the microscope. If I drink a bottle of something that is watery or resembles piss, I want to make sure I get the word out. It’s pretty crazy that macro brewed beer accounts for 95% of American beer sales, especially considering that at the moment America has the best beer available in the world. The American craft beer scene is sick. It is beyond awesome. So without further adieu, I want to introduce Shitty Beer Tuesday. Shitty Beer Tuesday will be a weekly (hopefully) column dedicated to drinking and reviewing macro beer. Hopefully we can have some fun in the process, and find out if and when there is a time when buying macro beer is good.