Shitty Beer Tuesday #4: Miller High Life

Brewed By: Miller Brewing Company (MillerCoors) in Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Purchased: Single, big-ass, bomber can (25.4oz) from Jewel-Osco in Illinois; 2011

Style/ABV: Pale Ale/American Lager, 4.7%

Why do college students by cheap beer? The answer is because they are poor. What is better than a 24-pack? Correct, a 30-pack. Are fraternities just socially acceptable vehicles that support date rape and bad behavior? Broseph, I don't have an answer.

Shitty Beer: not just for bros

At some point in time, you maybe went to college. If you did, there is a good chance you drank beer. And if you did drink beer, there is a good chance that it had the word "lite" towards the end of the title. Today's shitty beer is "The Champagne of Beers." This is not some unofficial slogan made up by the homeless dude on the corner who was just able to swindle a dollar out of you and go buy a 40. No, this is actually official marketing from the folks at Miller.

Miller High Life has been around since 1903. The beer's famous slogan came about because the beer is so carbonated and bubbly that it is "The Champagne of Beers." This beer was originally only available in miniature champagne bottles, and was one of the premier "high-end" beers in the country. It is amazing how this beer went from being premier, to a 7-11 beer that college kids buy in 30-packs to chug while playing beer pong. This beer is king at the beer pong table, among bros, and the homeless. How the mighty have fallen...or has it?

Miller High Life

I'm not going to indulge and pour this beer into a Champagne flute or anything like that. But this beer pours a nice golden-clear color that is quite carbonated. There is a bubbly head that has thin bubbles and is very very white. The body is clear and clean, and the head is not only hanging around sort of decently, but it is leaving some lacing.

The aroma on the nose is very clean and sort of boring. I get a lot of rice and grain, and a sweet note like apple. 

There isn't a lot going on as far as flavors go, but there is something going on. First off, there is a lot of that thin rice/grain note. There is also light fruity esters, along the lines of apple, like I was smelling on the nose. This is pretty neutral in terms of cloying (Budweiser) or more sour/bitter (Heineken). Some of the sweetness in this takes on a slight honey or corn syrup note, and there is a touch of cereal or sweet malt in here as well.

This is light-bodied, crisp, refreshing, and super drinkable! At 4.7%, you might need a few of these to get drunk, but you could easily pound a few of these back if you needed to. The only thing stopping you is...*belch*...all that carbonation. This is not a complex beer, but then it is a pale lager. It has a good mouthfeel that has good depth for the style and isn't cloying or bitter. The front end is carbonated and full of sweet esters like cereal, malts, honey and apples. The middle is smooth and that is where I am getting some grain and rice. The back end is grain and rice and finishes crisp.

Oh, and this is from a can, and not a green fucking bottle. This isn't going to be contaminated by the sun.

Rating: Above-Average
Score: 79%

High Life > Budweiser

That's right, bitches. 79%. Above-Average. Look, I'm a total beer geek. I love hops, I love over-the-top ABVs, I love all the crazy stuff going on with craft beer these days. But sometimes you need to get back to the basics. As far as I am concerned, this is one of Miller's most unadulterated beers. I don't see Miller advertising this beer with commercials that are attacking how manly I am, or talking about their Vortex neck on their bottle, or telling me how the Rocky Mountains turn blue on the bottle when the beer is cold enough to drink.

This beer is a business beer. This is a beer you drink when you want to drink a high volume of beer. This is a beer pong beer. This is a hot summer day beer to drink after mowing your lawn. This beer has enough flavors that aren't cloying (Budweiser, Stella) and still tastes pretty good.

This beer has a good palate, looks good when you pour it, has a decently lasting head for the style, has lacing, and is cheap. You can drink 10 of these in one night (I speak from experience), and a 30 pack of this stuff runs between 14 and 18 bucks. To put that in perspective, at 14 bucks, that is less than 50 cents a can. That is a steal.  

Miller High Life is one of my preferred standard American Lagers.