Shitty Beer Tuesday #7: Dos Equis XX Special Lager

Brewed By: FEMSA - Cervecería Cuauhtémoc-Moctezuma (Heineken) in Monterrey, Nuevo León, Mexico

Purchased: Single 12oz bottle from a 6-pack bought at Binny's in IL; 2012

Style/ABV: Standard American Lager, 4.45%

 

Nothing says shitty beer like Dos Equis. That is "Two Xs" for you folks who did not take Spanish. Tres Equis is for when you want to go to the strip club. For advanced Spanish, you can practice ordering a Dos Equis at the Tres Equis.

According to Wikipedia, today's beer is owned by the brewery Cuauhtémoc-Moctezuma, and the brewery is Heineken International's bitch. That makes this beer part of the Big Three Axis of Evil. The Cuauhtémoc brewery actually seems to have humble roots, so take a trip to Wikipedia to read about the brewery's history. I usually go into history, but as with many things involving Mexico and history, there is a whole lot of stuff going. The key points is that the brewery was founded in 1890 as an independent brewery. It went through quite a bit of turmoil, and part of it was sold to John Labatt Ltd. of Canada in 1994. On January 11, 2010, the brewery fell into the hands of Heineken.  

Unfortunately, I haven't done a Shitty Beer Tuesday in a while. I'm feeling a bit rusty, so I have asked a special guest to help me review this shitty beer. Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce: The Most Interesting Man In The World. 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: I do not introduce myself, I am introduced by others.

 

Jon: ...

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Regarding self pleasure: I never need an extra hand.

 

Jon:  Umm, can you tell us about today's beer?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: The operator dials "zero" for me.

 

Jon: If I understand you correctly, you don't always drink beer? 

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Yes. I also drink Tequila and Coffee. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Why do you think my blood smells like cologne? Alcohol runs through my veins! I piss cologne-smelling excellence.

 

Jon: You mean...blood?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Yes....

 

Jon: Uh...huh. Okay. So Dos Equis, this is what? A 4.45% ABV Standard American Lager? Can we pop a bottle of this stuff and see what it looks like?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Every time I open a bottle of beer, dolphins appear!

 

Jon: I can't tell if that is a good thing or a tragedy. Those poor dolphins. Anyway, would you care to describe this beer?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: What is there to describe? This beer pours a clear golden color. It is watery, golden, and transparent. You could spy on a changing woman through this beer. There are a ton of rising bubbles; big fat bubbles. And there was one-finger of super white head. But the head dissolved pretty quickly. 

 

More importantly, every time I fart an angel gets its wings.

 

Jon: Ladies and gentleman!...the most interesting man in the world. I'm surprised a man as intriguing as yourself loves such a typical looking Standard American Lager.

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Didn't you hear? My legend precedes me like lightning precedes thunder. Who needs beer!

 

Jon: I have to ask. How many women have you bedded?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Should I count the escorts?

 

Jon: There were escorts?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: There were....

 

Jon: Okay! Moving on...how does this beer smell?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Like aluminum, sweet caramel malts, hints of grain, and maybe a faded touch of grape or apple.

 

Jon: I would agree with that. 

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: And it tastes about the same. Sweet caramel, grain, aluminum, and hints of apple and apple juice. I also added my own "special brand to the beer."

 

Jon: Is your "special brand" that nasty skunk/sulfur note I am picking up on?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Yes! You must drink this beer cold. Once, I punched a polar bear.

 

Jon: You punched a polar bear?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Yes. And then I taught the Eskimos how to play Poker.

 

Jon: I would love to play poker with...

 

Dos Equis XX Special Lager

The Most Interesting Man In The World: You are not worthy.

 

Jon: Oh....well....can you tell me how the beer holds up in terms of mouthfeel, complexity, and drinkability?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: Yes. This is a light, overly-carbonated, super drinkable macro lager. This is refreshing, and has okay palate depth. This is not complex. There is a slightly sulfur or skunk note in the back that really disrupts this beer's drinkability. Kind of like Budweiser. You get carbonation, grain, and aluminum on the front; the middle is hints of apple, grain and water; the back end is lingering grain and aluminum, and that cloying and sweet sulfur note.

 

Jon: So can we agree that this beer is better than Budweiser, but not by much?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: I made the Ecuadorian Army agree.

 

Jon: Okay...well, here is my idea for a score:

 

Rating: Average

Score: 54%  

 

Jon: Do you have any other interesting tidbits to share before we go?

 

The Most Interesting Man In The World: I can speak French in Russian! And I don't always take a dump at the airport, but when I do...I use the handicapped stall! 

 

Jon: Okay! Okay! I think that is a little too much information. I think it is time to say goodbye. Until next time...The Most Interesting Man In The World.

  

The Most Interesting Man In The World: I don't always say goodbye, but when I do make sure to steal your shoes before I leave.

 

And...that is it folks. Until the next Shitty Beer Tuesday. I'm sure we will see The Most Interesting Man In The World again...